December arrived with its traditional fury. November’s mild evenings and chilled nights slipped into chaos. Beautiful chaos, but chaos nonetheless. The snow blanketed everything, and my bike is only moderately helpful for getting to class on time. At least twice before the end of the semester, count on seeing me tangled up in my stylish 4-speed Cruizer along the icy sidewalks. If you see me coming, your best bet is to bob and weave (though a simple stop-drop-and-roll should probably suffice).
Of course, the true fury of December lies not in the cold, the snow and the travel; rather, it lies somewhere between Dr. Brown’s notorious final in Sentence Strategies and the remaining twenty-seven pages I have to write before next Wednesday. The twenty-four hour period between 12 a.m. and 12 a.m. somehow shortens in December. I’m not sure exactly how much time drops off the clock, but I know I’m always one spell check shy of the full twenty-four hours.
And then come the ingredients that really make this month challenging. December means Yuletide drama. For the sake of brevity, all issues regarding Christmas and its accompanying “festivities” will be lumped into one category--“Life.” People of all predicaments are lured into situations that seem perfectly…jolly. Yet "Merry" Christmas rarely translates into holiday cheer for all. I dont mean to spoil Christmas; I like Christmas, but December can be rough.
But this year, I say, “December, Do your worst.” Snow. Ice. Dramaterize.
The way I figure, December provides the next big lessons for a life in pursuit of God. Welcome to December. I intend to stay.
Monday, December 05, 2005
Sunday, November 06, 2005
A new phase of Blogging: Round Deux
As I said in the previous entry, I have begun a new phase of blogging. I call it "Actually Blogging". We'll see how often I am able to put these out; these letters were written in a class, but I wrote them about topics I cared about. So, without further adieu, this letter was originally written to the Dean of Chapel, the great Steve Lennox but passed on to you for your feedback. Let's hear it. What do I miss?
I have been a member of the IWU community since the fall of 2003, and since that time, I have faithfully attended every Summit week. As I write this, I am unable to attend this evening’s service due to an athletic competition from which I am returning. To my knowledge, today is my first day failing to make it to Summit though as I pointed out, my absence is involuntary.
I was in attendance for both sessions yesterday, and after pondering the experience, I have a few questions. The services yesterday were certainly moving, and the speaker communicated a heartfelt message about convictions and their impact on our lives. But, for all my appreciation, the emotionalism of the service seemed awkwardly familiar. Obviously, the purpose of Summit week is always to refresh and refocus, therefore the services aim to produce similar results. Yet, as my friends and I discussed Summit ‘this time around’, I realized that I wanted more.
In fairness to the speaker, I should mention that he addressed the very issue I initially wanted to criticize—he discussed the importance of finding friends to go through life with. That point has been conspicuously absent from all the previous Summit speakers we’ve heard. On another evening, we prayed together, as students and as friends. And what a blessing it was! Still, all of these things took place in a very ‘Summit-like’ atmosphere, with voice inflection and finger picking on an acoustic guitar in the background.
I’m reminded of Oswald Chamber’s warning in My Utmost for His Highest: “Beware of a surrender which you make to God in an ecstasy; you are apt to take it back again.” Emotion is central to our functioning as human beings, and it can certainly be used (and is used) to mold us and break our hearts back in tune with God’s. The correct place of emotion in worship is not an issue which I wish to solve; however, I feel that a concerted effort should be made to find a Summit speaker who is willing to forgo powerful, emotionally driven messages of rededication. These are effective and serve a noble cause. But what a blessing it would be if the Summit week could be a time for quiet, determined journeys into discipleship! I wonder how many students would cease to be confused and discouraged in the following days as the emotion departs and the grind recommences. Let’s bring in a speaker who is less a speaker and more a teacher. Let’s bring in a teacher who is primarily concerned about whether we grow, not how we feel.
Thank you for lending your ear to a concerned soul,
Sincerely,
Luke Helm
I have been a member of the IWU community since the fall of 2003, and since that time, I have faithfully attended every Summit week. As I write this, I am unable to attend this evening’s service due to an athletic competition from which I am returning. To my knowledge, today is my first day failing to make it to Summit though as I pointed out, my absence is involuntary.
I was in attendance for both sessions yesterday, and after pondering the experience, I have a few questions. The services yesterday were certainly moving, and the speaker communicated a heartfelt message about convictions and their impact on our lives. But, for all my appreciation, the emotionalism of the service seemed awkwardly familiar. Obviously, the purpose of Summit week is always to refresh and refocus, therefore the services aim to produce similar results. Yet, as my friends and I discussed Summit ‘this time around’, I realized that I wanted more.
In fairness to the speaker, I should mention that he addressed the very issue I initially wanted to criticize—he discussed the importance of finding friends to go through life with. That point has been conspicuously absent from all the previous Summit speakers we’ve heard. On another evening, we prayed together, as students and as friends. And what a blessing it was! Still, all of these things took place in a very ‘Summit-like’ atmosphere, with voice inflection and finger picking on an acoustic guitar in the background.
I’m reminded of Oswald Chamber’s warning in My Utmost for His Highest: “Beware of a surrender which you make to God in an ecstasy; you are apt to take it back again.” Emotion is central to our functioning as human beings, and it can certainly be used (and is used) to mold us and break our hearts back in tune with God’s. The correct place of emotion in worship is not an issue which I wish to solve; however, I feel that a concerted effort should be made to find a Summit speaker who is willing to forgo powerful, emotionally driven messages of rededication. These are effective and serve a noble cause. But what a blessing it would be if the Summit week could be a time for quiet, determined journeys into discipleship! I wonder how many students would cease to be confused and discouraged in the following days as the emotion departs and the grind recommences. Let’s bring in a speaker who is less a speaker and more a teacher. Let’s bring in a teacher who is primarily concerned about whether we grow, not how we feel.
Thank you for lending your ear to a concerned soul,
Sincerely,
Luke Helm
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
A Recent Writing
Howdy Folks,
Today I begin a new phase of blogging. The following is a letter I wrote to the editor of our school paper, and thus, it wont be interesting if you dont go to the WU. But for those of us living in the Bubble, it is something worth thinking about.
Letter to the Editor:
I’m all for community, but IWU oversteps its bounds as a university when it attempts to enforce its Community Values Contract throughout the summer. When students agree to live by the standards proposed by Indiana Wesleyan, they adhere to values that the school feels necessary, seemingly, for two reasons. First—the school aims to encourage community among students by eliminating common distractions. Second—the school makes a concerted effort to maintain the Christian ethos.
How are these goals supported by enforcing the community values when there is no community? The extension of the contract serves only to frustrate and hamper students during the summer months. The school has the right to determine the rules and regulations that students must abide by when the students are a part of the community; however, when the community has disbanded the administration should no longer attempt to determine the personal choices of the students.
The rules of Student Development reflect the Christian ethos and even a clear parental tone. Of course, we should not forget the clear reflection of the Wesleyan denomination as well—which is only one subdivision of Christian heritage. When the Apostle Paul addressed those who ate meat sacrificed to idols and those who didn’t, the base of his ethic was clear: don’t cause your brother to stumble, but do what you feel is right. He also condemned the Judaizers for insisting that gentile Christians follow unnecessary rules. Many of the rules of the school take away freedoms that need not be taken away—at least from a Christian standpoint.
Granted, the school does not force students to join the community, but does that really justify the school’s application of denominational standards to students who are not Wesleyan? If the school feels that denominational rules are crucial to achieving the Christian community it desires, then by all means it should enforce these rules. It should not, however, attempt to saddle students with extra-Biblical rules after the community has disbanded for the year.
Indiana Wesleyan will not and should not shed the venerable Wesleyan tradition. Simultaneously, the school should not attempt to force its denominational and parental standards on students who have their own denominations and their own parents.
Indiana Wesleyan is a university, not a statement of belief. Whatever we do in the summer, let us do it all for the glory of God.
Sincerely,
Luke Helm
Today I begin a new phase of blogging. The following is a letter I wrote to the editor of our school paper, and thus, it wont be interesting if you dont go to the WU. But for those of us living in the Bubble, it is something worth thinking about.
Letter to the Editor:
I’m all for community, but IWU oversteps its bounds as a university when it attempts to enforce its Community Values Contract throughout the summer. When students agree to live by the standards proposed by Indiana Wesleyan, they adhere to values that the school feels necessary, seemingly, for two reasons. First—the school aims to encourage community among students by eliminating common distractions. Second—the school makes a concerted effort to maintain the Christian ethos.
How are these goals supported by enforcing the community values when there is no community? The extension of the contract serves only to frustrate and hamper students during the summer months. The school has the right to determine the rules and regulations that students must abide by when the students are a part of the community; however, when the community has disbanded the administration should no longer attempt to determine the personal choices of the students.
The rules of Student Development reflect the Christian ethos and even a clear parental tone. Of course, we should not forget the clear reflection of the Wesleyan denomination as well—which is only one subdivision of Christian heritage. When the Apostle Paul addressed those who ate meat sacrificed to idols and those who didn’t, the base of his ethic was clear: don’t cause your brother to stumble, but do what you feel is right. He also condemned the Judaizers for insisting that gentile Christians follow unnecessary rules. Many of the rules of the school take away freedoms that need not be taken away—at least from a Christian standpoint.
Granted, the school does not force students to join the community, but does that really justify the school’s application of denominational standards to students who are not Wesleyan? If the school feels that denominational rules are crucial to achieving the Christian community it desires, then by all means it should enforce these rules. It should not, however, attempt to saddle students with extra-Biblical rules after the community has disbanded for the year.
Indiana Wesleyan will not and should not shed the venerable Wesleyan tradition. Simultaneously, the school should not attempt to force its denominational and parental standards on students who have their own denominations and their own parents.
Indiana Wesleyan is a university, not a statement of belief. Whatever we do in the summer, let us do it all for the glory of God.
Sincerely,
Luke Helm
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
On Trust and Vulnerability, Part One
My apologies go out to the month of September. A week ago, I knew what the entry would be about, but I never made the time to give last month its dues. Belated by four days, here it goes for September.
Last month almost ended me. "I don't know what life will be like in a month" has once again proven remarkably true. The past four weeks challenged me in ways I've never experienced; yet, somehow I am not surprised that I have been so thoroughly challenged. As always, the actual challenge caught me completely off guard. But if I am to stay consistent with the 'roads' I referred to last month, it should not shock me that I am forced to cross a few rivers or canyons.
The rivers and canyons will always come, and it seems fair to think that God must put us through trials to train us in the art of trust. Anyone who endeavors to trust a God who cannot be stared at , embraced, or speed-dialed must be put through the pain of vulnerability. Trust and vulnerability. Honestly, I hate those words right now. I wake up every morning feeling naked (I'm not, for the record) and alone (I'm not, for the record). Countless times through each day, I want to throw up my hands in disgust and plan my own life. And that is exactly why I have to be here right now. Despite the empty churn I feel in my stomach when I say this, I know I am supposed to be here at this point of vulnerability and unrest. If I never came to this point of unrest, I could never go on to the point of rest that lies on the far side of trust.
Uggh.
Well, I said I knew what I wanted to say for September, but this wasnt it. I think I'll be back at this soon, so stay tuned. Or dont. Its your call.
Last month almost ended me. "I don't know what life will be like in a month" has once again proven remarkably true. The past four weeks challenged me in ways I've never experienced; yet, somehow I am not surprised that I have been so thoroughly challenged. As always, the actual challenge caught me completely off guard. But if I am to stay consistent with the 'roads' I referred to last month, it should not shock me that I am forced to cross a few rivers or canyons.
The rivers and canyons will always come, and it seems fair to think that God must put us through trials to train us in the art of trust. Anyone who endeavors to trust a God who cannot be stared at , embraced, or speed-dialed must be put through the pain of vulnerability. Trust and vulnerability. Honestly, I hate those words right now. I wake up every morning feeling naked (I'm not, for the record) and alone (I'm not, for the record). Countless times through each day, I want to throw up my hands in disgust and plan my own life. And that is exactly why I have to be here right now. Despite the empty churn I feel in my stomach when I say this, I know I am supposed to be here at this point of vulnerability and unrest. If I never came to this point of unrest, I could never go on to the point of rest that lies on the far side of trust.
Uggh.
Well, I said I knew what I wanted to say for September, but this wasnt it. I think I'll be back at this soon, so stay tuned. Or dont. Its your call.
Monday, August 15, 2005
Roads Worth Traveling
Being on the 'One entry per month' plan, here goes August. I am now preparing to head back to the WU in a little under a week, and in a bit of a reflective mood. The upcoming move back to school forces me to reconsider the events of the summer. As always, my life seems significantly different from the beginning of the summer. I suppose that the college years often have this effect on people's lives. There is so much happening, so many decisions being made, so many directions being chosen. Our lives receive their initial direction from these years, and the choices we make now will certainly pave the way for the rest of our lives. I am beginning to see this phase of my life as a time of road building. The roads that I am paving are not easily constructed, but it is certainly easier now than at any other point in my life. My goal is to lay paths that I will not have to abandon later in life. I want all that I do now to contribute as a good beginning to the direction that my life takes. The paths that I am laying must be in the right direction (general direction), and they must of good quality. These two priniciples apply to every aspect of my life. My relationships, my academic work, my 'blue collar' work, and my future plans all should proceed in light of this realization.
Another important point, I should not fail to mention that in all I do, my goals stem from what I feel that I being called to do by God. For those of you who arent Christians, it probably seems arrogant to say that I would expect a god, in fact, The God, to direct my life. However, as I continue to learn and lay roads, I am encouraged by how my trust in the Christian God has been rewarded by a path more wisely chosen than any I could have arrived at. I would be lying if I concluded that my immediate happiness has always been acquired by following after God. Many times, if not most, I am challenged to the point of despair when I submit to following after a Will that is not my own. Yet, I have consistenly found there is light at the end of the paths that are required of me. Most of the difficulties I have encountered have yielded a measure fruit beyond anything I could have anticipated. There are some things that I have yet to see come to fruition, but here I feel I am assured in trusting an Engineer beyond my capacity.
Ok, now I'm pulling it all together, so that you can stop reading and start posting that comment that you are dying to get started on.
Well, I think the reflective mood that I mentioned at the outset has been rewarding, but I am even more convinced that the summer has been a significant change. Good. I needed a change. In any case, school is about to start, I have no clue what this semseter will bring, but I'm excited. I like knowing what I am going to do about not knowing what I am going to do. Here's the game plan: I am going to continue to lay roads that will hopefully prove solid and in the right general direction, and I am going to trust that an ultimately wise Dept. of Transportation has some incredible plans for the roads ahead. Not necessarily a superhighway, but at least a highly useful dirt path.
Another important point, I should not fail to mention that in all I do, my goals stem from what I feel that I being called to do by God. For those of you who arent Christians, it probably seems arrogant to say that I would expect a god, in fact, The God, to direct my life. However, as I continue to learn and lay roads, I am encouraged by how my trust in the Christian God has been rewarded by a path more wisely chosen than any I could have arrived at. I would be lying if I concluded that my immediate happiness has always been acquired by following after God. Many times, if not most, I am challenged to the point of despair when I submit to following after a Will that is not my own. Yet, I have consistenly found there is light at the end of the paths that are required of me. Most of the difficulties I have encountered have yielded a measure fruit beyond anything I could have anticipated. There are some things that I have yet to see come to fruition, but here I feel I am assured in trusting an Engineer beyond my capacity.
Ok, now I'm pulling it all together, so that you can stop reading and start posting that comment that you are dying to get started on.
Well, I think the reflective mood that I mentioned at the outset has been rewarding, but I am even more convinced that the summer has been a significant change. Good. I needed a change. In any case, school is about to start, I have no clue what this semseter will bring, but I'm excited. I like knowing what I am going to do about not knowing what I am going to do. Here's the game plan: I am going to continue to lay roads that will hopefully prove solid and in the right general direction, and I am going to trust that an ultimately wise Dept. of Transportation has some incredible plans for the roads ahead. Not necessarily a superhighway, but at least a highly useful dirt path.
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
I'm Back.
I'm Back.
How many different things can one phrase mean? I'd be hard-pressed to come up with a maximum number, but at least two.
1) From Europe. Been there, done that. Twice. (Really, I went twice.) Both adventures have been centered around the European Leadership Forum, as mentioned in the previous post. This time, the trip was with my family: our last as our classic nucleus of 5. (We are about to pick up a winner of a # 6 to go along with our # 3.) Anyway, the trip was our last as a family, and as always, my family never ceases to amaze me. I appreciate them more everyday I am with them, and they frusterate me in new and exciting ways each and every day as well. Thats number one. Europe with the fam: check.
2) Everything else it could possibly mean. Thanks in large part to the Forum: participants, leaders, material, etc., I (though I suspect not really me) was able to revive the faith which I had nearly lost. The Forum included philosophers, theologians, scientists, pastors, and laypersons, all holding strongly to the belief that Christianity truly is the true description of reality. I would be lying if I said I no longer struggle with the doubt which had so clouded my mind and memory, but I can honestly say that my faith has not been more vibrant in well over a year. Being a philosophy student, I have no doubt that my current understanding of God/reality/etc will be challenged come Fall. Yet, the shift that I have made was not towards a logical diagram of God, nor a cut and dry philosophy or theology. I simply agreed to trust in Him who I once trusted. I agreed to believe that life has a meaning and a purpose, and that it is perfectly reasonable to think that humans function better with a purpose and meaning because that is how they were made to function. I am learning, but more importantly, I'm growing. There are still a myriad of important, vital questions that I must answer, but I seek to do that in clear view of the One who has called me.
As the title indicates, this is not a new place for me. I remember well that a few years ago I experienced the nerve-wracking excitement and painful comfort of a life lived in pursuit of Godliness and in relationship to God. So now, as I work towards a healthy and well-thought out faith, I pray for faith and faithfulness, as well as for obedience and the chance to make God smile.
"So, whats next?" you ask. Good question, faithful blog reader. Unfortunately, I dont know. Well, maybe fortunately I dont know. For now, I am working on tomorrow--that it would be a day lived more passionately devoted to God, lived out in service of others. Yeah, I better just stick with tomorrow. (Also tomorrow includes hanging out with the Vaas clan in Columbus and then a weekend up at Kelley's Island with the Bells. SWEEET.) Take care, and God Bless.
Oh, and hang in there if you cant see God right now. Your eyes arent good.
Oh, and I miss Rachel. A lot. <---------------> At least that much, if not more.
Thats all for tonight.
How many different things can one phrase mean? I'd be hard-pressed to come up with a maximum number, but at least two.
1) From Europe. Been there, done that. Twice. (Really, I went twice.) Both adventures have been centered around the European Leadership Forum, as mentioned in the previous post. This time, the trip was with my family: our last as our classic nucleus of 5. (We are about to pick up a winner of a # 6 to go along with our # 3.) Anyway, the trip was our last as a family, and as always, my family never ceases to amaze me. I appreciate them more everyday I am with them, and they frusterate me in new and exciting ways each and every day as well. Thats number one. Europe with the fam: check.
2) Everything else it could possibly mean. Thanks in large part to the Forum: participants, leaders, material, etc., I (though I suspect not really me) was able to revive the faith which I had nearly lost. The Forum included philosophers, theologians, scientists, pastors, and laypersons, all holding strongly to the belief that Christianity truly is the true description of reality. I would be lying if I said I no longer struggle with the doubt which had so clouded my mind and memory, but I can honestly say that my faith has not been more vibrant in well over a year. Being a philosophy student, I have no doubt that my current understanding of God/reality/etc will be challenged come Fall. Yet, the shift that I have made was not towards a logical diagram of God, nor a cut and dry philosophy or theology. I simply agreed to trust in Him who I once trusted. I agreed to believe that life has a meaning and a purpose, and that it is perfectly reasonable to think that humans function better with a purpose and meaning because that is how they were made to function. I am learning, but more importantly, I'm growing. There are still a myriad of important, vital questions that I must answer, but I seek to do that in clear view of the One who has called me.
As the title indicates, this is not a new place for me. I remember well that a few years ago I experienced the nerve-wracking excitement and painful comfort of a life lived in pursuit of Godliness and in relationship to God. So now, as I work towards a healthy and well-thought out faith, I pray for faith and faithfulness, as well as for obedience and the chance to make God smile.
"So, whats next?" you ask. Good question, faithful blog reader. Unfortunately, I dont know. Well, maybe fortunately I dont know. For now, I am working on tomorrow--that it would be a day lived more passionately devoted to God, lived out in service of others. Yeah, I better just stick with tomorrow. (Also tomorrow includes hanging out with the Vaas clan in Columbus and then a weekend up at Kelley's Island with the Bells. SWEEET.) Take care, and God Bless.
Oh, and hang in there if you cant see God right now. Your eyes arent good.
Oh, and I miss Rachel. A lot. <---------------> At least that much, if not more.
Thats all for tonight.
Monday, June 13, 2005
From Hungary
Well, this will probably be short. But, its from Hungary. I'm here for the European Leadership Forum. What is the ELF you ask? It is the 5th annual gathering of the Evangelical leaders from across Europe: western, eastern, and otherwise. The group is amazing. The lecturers for the week are the most accomplished men in the world (considering their background and fields). Theologians, philosophers, scientists, pastors, community leaders, and others, all here to discuss the foremost issues facing Christianity today. It is truly incredible. I am constantly humbled and puzzled and yet argumentative as a result of the presentations. Its a bit frusterating to have to drive the shuttle when the world's leading Christian thinkers are giving lectures 3 blocks away. Oh well, you'll have that. After this week, my family is headed through Austria and down through Italy. Sweeet. The worst part about Europe is the fact that it has none of the residents of Westerville, OH. That sucks. Other than that, its pretty sweet.
Saturday, May 28, 2005
Camoflauge
This may have been my longest gap yet between blog entries. And what a gap it has been. Well, I dont really know where to start because I always feel like a different person when I sit down to type another entry. Technically speaking, I am not a different person, but the 'inner working' of Luke Helm is a fairly fluid thing at this point in my life. So, what do you want to hear about? How about this girl? She's a winner in my book. What a find! In case any of you are wondering, Columbus is a long way from Indianapolis. Also, gas money--not cheap this time of year. Still, OPEC is gonna have to go higher than it is now to keep me from making the trip. (Keep your fingers crossed.) In other news, I am appreciating nature more than I have in quite some time. If you get a chance, go sit in the woods without moving for about 26.3 minutes, and then tell me it isnt a wonderful world. (Camoflauge is preferable but not required.) Overall, life is sweeter than it has been it a long while. I am still wrestling a ton with matters of faith and religion, but I am settling in on an uneasy, long road home. If you are reading this, chances are I would like to talk to you, because I dont dislike many people. To those of you who dont know, Lewkas84 is my AIM screen name, and I am a loser, so I'm on a lot. Its gorgeous outside, so I am gonna go put on camoflauge and sneak up on some deer, maybe take some pictures of them, then call Rach and call it a day.
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
Some Guy Writing
Hey folks. I still dont know if there are folks. But, if you are reading this, then you are folks. So, I am technically writing to you. As always, its been a long time since my last entry. Time goes by so fast, its really quite ridiculous. I am getting almost to the last stage in Kyle Pardon's theory of stages involved with end-of-semester craziness. I dont remember what it is, but i remember it was funny. I have too much to do in too little time. Tennis is going now, (I would say 'full swing' if that werent so punny) it has been pretty frustrating. Can't hit a backhand to save my life. It just sucks. Woof. A few other other bits of info from la vida de Luke Helm: philosophy club, aka The Pub, is now up and running, meeting with some great guys and gals, working through stuff that normal people dont care about...yay philosophy majors. That whole side of my life is still coming around; I dont really know what to do with all that stuff. Suffice it to say that I am leaning towards Postmodernism. I am also dating a young lady. She's great. Like everything else in life that matters, I am scared by all that it could mean--positive and negative. Still am really worried about everything. Still wrestling with what it means to have faith, and what it means to have a relationship with God. Still worried to say what my relationship to the pretty girl means. Oh craziness. Anyways, staying in good spirits, and still learning. By the way, if you have read any of my earlier blogs, this is pretty different. They were pretty intense, and I enjoyed writing them out, because it helped me process stuff in my head. However, for now, I think I'm ok with just being some guy writing.
Thursday, February 17, 2005
Weekday Update
It has been a long time since I have posted something. Sorry about that. As always, life continues. Wow. What a wild ride?... The past few months have been intriguing and enlightening. I am really starting to get a grasp of what faith is, though certainly not without becoming more familiar with doubt. One of my away messages is someone saying that doubt is too blind to see that faith is its twin brother. So true. I am gathering reasons to believe, and really, I guess you could say I am training in the habit of faith. I still have a lot of very important questions to answer, yet I am continually more sure of staking my 'wager' in the 'faith camp'. So, what is life like? Life is sweet. Not in a 'Dude Where's My Car' way; more like the way that 55 degrees and birds chirping feels like heaven after a cold winter. I am still not fully satisfied...I wonder if I ever will be, but I am getting closer to losing myself to something better.
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