I cannot believe that it has been over two months since the last time I posted a new blog. If anyone reads these, my apologies to keep you waiting. Thinking about what has transpired since I posted the last entry, I see a paradox. So much has happened, and my life is irreversibly changed. Yet, at the same time, the peace of heart and mind is still foremost in my mind, and the search for faith continues. Day by day I wrestle with the questions of life which I have always assumed to know. Doubt is still very much a part of my life, though now it is not voluntary as it once was. I am much closer to Christianity in thought than I have been. My current thoughts are directed towards the incarnation. This seems to be the issue on which historic Christianity rises and falls. Though I began my journey in search of a completely objective conclusion, I abandon this now. Fair-mindedness is now a lofty goal, and I will not deny that I have been working towards faith, and the work is not easy. I have not stumbled upon an undenyable truth; I am working towards a faith in something I don't understand. Though I do not claim to know on behalf of others, I have learned much, and what I have learned I would not exchange for the certainty which I once held. Still, it seems that my journey is not without more than its share of unforeseen turns and obstacles. It is likely that I would have long ago stopped my journey--if only to rest (a scary thought), had it not been for an unlikely source. I like a girl. To downplay the effect this relationship has played in my thought would be downright dishonest. I constantly look for the places where my journey can run alongside another's. This aspect of life constantly reminds me of the richness that this life has to offer. Recently I had a very sudden and surprising realization. There is very little I am certain of in this life, and what little clarity exists stands out brilliantly from the much more prevalent darkness. If there exists such a thing as capital "T" truth, I have found it not in the classroom; but in love. I have found the truest things I know in living. Standing outside in the Indiana winter, the abruptness of reality left a profound impact on me. The truth found in living requires many things; the most important of these being life itself. What can be learned in living requires a life in which to learn. Everyday life must be more than everyday life, because life as we know it is life flying past.
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2 comments:
Luke, your search for truth convicts me. So often I have just believed and not actually reasoned why I believe it, which is very dangerous. I admire your diligence to search and I know that God will be faithful to reveal Himself to you. I am constantly learning that He is who He says He is and that He is ALWAYS with me. I have also learned that it is beyond my ability to fully understand Him, for to completely understand Him would be to be Him. He's God, we're not. I pray that God will continue to show you who He is and that you will learn to rest in simple faith, not needing to know or understand it all, but to simply know that He is the Almighty.
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