Life Flying Past

I cannot believe that it has been over two months since the last time I posted a new blog. If anyone reads these, my apologies to keep you waiting. Thinking about what has transpired since I posted the last entry, I see a paradox. So much has happened, and my life is irreversibly changed. Yet, at the same time, the peace of heart and mind is still foremost in my mind, and the search for faith continues. Day by day I wrestle with the questions of life which I have always assumed to know. Doubt is still very much a part of my life, though now it is not voluntary as it once was. I am much closer to Christianity in thought than I have been. My current thoughts are directed towards the incarnation. This seems to be the issue on which historic Christianity rises and falls. Though I began my journey in search of a completely objective conclusion, I abandon this now. Fair-mindedness is now a lofty goal, and I will not deny that I have been working towards faith, and the work is not easy. I have not stumbled upon an undenyable truth; I am working towards a faith in something I don't understand. Though I do not claim to know on behalf of others, I have learned much, and what I have learned I would not exchange for the certainty which I once held. Still, it seems that my journey is not without more than its share of unforeseen turns and obstacles. It is likely that I would have long ago stopped my journey--if only to rest (a scary thought), had it not been for an unlikely source. I like a girl. To downplay the effect this relationship has played in my thought would be downright dishonest. I constantly look for the places where my journey can run alongside another's. This aspect of life constantly reminds me of the richness that this life has to offer. Recently I had a very sudden and surprising realization. There is very little I am certain of in this life, and what little clarity exists stands out brilliantly from the much more prevalent darkness. If there exists such a thing as capital "T" truth, I have found it not in the classroom; but in love. I have found the truest things I know in living. Standing outside in the Indiana winter, the abruptness of reality left a profound impact on me. The truth found in living requires many things; the most important of these being life itself. What can be learned in living requires a life in which to learn. Everyday life must be more than everyday life, because life as we know it is life flying past.

And life goes on....

Well, life goes on. For those of you who are reading this out of interest, thanks for checking up on me. For those of you who are merely compulsive AIM away message checkers (I have been suffering a minor case), then, welcome. The news here at the moment is not much news. Life does indeed go on. I have been engaged in the past 10 months on a journey that has brought down walls and torn out foundations, yet slowly, rebuilding is taking place. Many of you, (when I say many I mean as many people as read this... i dont know), have talked to me in short or at length about where I am in life at the moment. It is a very good question--where am I in life right now? The answer to which, I really do not know. In this search for "Truth", capital "T" or otherwise, I have essentially abandoned most of what I have ever believed in the past, all for the sake of "Truth". When setting out, I began with a lofty goal of seeing, comprehending and believing what the "Truth" about the universe was, in relation to God, me, Jesus, etc. As a Christian, I figured that if Christianity was true, then no search for truth could ever do any harm. Looking back, I realize that my goal was quite lofty, and now I even might say impossible. It was truly me trying to search out tangible, objective "T"ruth, arrived at with no biases. I have slowly and painfully become aware of the shortcomings of my attempt. "As one of my profs put it, "objectivity is a pipe dream". Interestingly, he did not say this to discourage objectivity, but rather to encourage it. I now see the wisdom in this. I have to realize that I am, as a human being, more than just Reason. I am not a search engine. There is more to me than my intellect. I am human. I am beginning to ask what it means to fully be human. I am starting to think that even if I was capable of complete objectivity (existentialists call this "dispassionate learning" for a reason), I would not be functioning at my full capacity. I increasingly am thinking that, as a human, I was intended for, or at least I am capable of more. Love. Is this an intellectual copout for being wrong? It might be, I dont know. I need to look into it further. In any case, where am I in life? I really don't know. It may be that my feet find solid ground tomorrow, or it could be the end of my life, or after. Reading Augustine's Confessions, I resonated with his plea, "Let it be now, let it be now." I see the truth in C.S. Lewis' understanding of faith. "That is why Faith is such a necessary virtue: unless you teach your moods 'where they get off', you can never be either a sound Christian or even a sound atheist, but just a creature dithering to and fro, with its beliefs really dependent on the weather and the state of its digestion. Consequently one must train the habit of Faith." My life has been characterized with exactly this "dithering" for quite some time. I am beginning to develop this "faith", as Lewis understands it, though I am taking baby steps--if that. Where is it that I should put my faith? Again, I dont know. I feel as if I am coming closer, but I have not arrived at the place of peace in my head and heart. In any case, in this reality of which I am a part, I am not privileged to see the future. So, tomorrow awaits.

As we walk

As we Walk, Talk, Breathe, then Leave this lush labyrinth

Questions questions questions, what if we get it wrong?

As we Eat, sleep, Breath then leave this world of tears

Questions Questions Questions, what if we miss the point?

Some Live and Some die, and life goes on around us

War , Love, and hate, such odd company make

--

We’re livin in a Busy, busy world where no one loves their daddy

What makes life worth livin, if we’re all alone?

We’re gonna reap what we’re sowing, and since devotion’s borin

Soon Life’s not worth livin, since we’re all alone

Some laugh and some cry, and life goes on around us

Hope is hard to find, though some say its free

--

It’s a cloudy day, when the sunset fades Away,

The cold cold world thaws its way to sanity

If one friend heaven sent helps carry the burden

That life has brought to me

Ther’re days wet and days dry, and life goes on around us

Friends, though far between, mean the world to me

A quick response to "Humbly Bend"

Upon further reflection, I see a problem with this idea. Rather, I see an injustice in my assessment. To claim that the truth and the Bible are seperate entities is true. However, this is not necessarily due to the error of the Bible. The nature of a written word is so incredibly seperate than that of "truth" on the idealistic and pure level, that no direct comparison is permissable by their very natures. They are different. Further, to say "God does not reside in the Bible" is a rather sensationalistic claim that was based more on reader appeal than thought out conclusions. I am sure it worked, but it was a poor and cheap hook, not worthy of the subject matter. Still, I think at base, my best guess is that "truth" "honesty" "humility" "sincerity" etc. should be our first guides to God.

Humbly Bend

Truth and the Bible are not, in and of themselves, synonymous. God does not reside in the Bible. God resides squarely in truth, and nowhere else. Now, this is not to say that the Bible can not show truth, but it, in and of itself, is not truth. Instead of using the Bible as our sole guide to truth, doesn’t it make sense that honesty and sincerity should be the chief instruments in arriving at truth? For the Bible, though I may find truth through it, is not the conclusion of the matter. In fact, honesty and sincerity are the only things capable of revealing truth. This can be demonstrated. If I were to read my Bible for an entire lifetime, and yet I am dishonest in my assessment, or insincere in my search for God, I would never arrive at truth. This leads to an even more grave possibility. If I never arrive at truth, I will never arrive at God, for God is truth. Of course, it will be said (and rightfully so), that honesty and sincerity are too subjective, and they cannot be free of suspicion. This is so true! And yet, is it not true that “narrow is the gate”? Also, the thought of being forced to seek out truth rather than it be handed down and laid in our laps is frightening to say the least; but was it not the apostle paul who said that “salvation(!) should be worked out with fear and trembling”. It should probably be added that within sincerity, humility must also be included. A wise man I know wrote, “the doorway to truth is very low. We must humbly bend to enter”. This is a very true statement, but I would also add that the doorway is thin, and as one of us approaches, we must faithfully let go of our bulky luggage and even our garments. As we stand cold and naked outside the door, we must forcefully knock until the warmth from inside invites us in to reside with the One who resides only in truth.

Good times

Good friends and good laughs make me smile.

Failures of Truth

Today, I had an argument. Technically, it was yesterday (into the morning hours now). My friend and I were having a discussion, and I felt that I should point out something I felt needed to be discussed. Here, I made my first mistake. Conversations that are important enough to hurt someone, should warrant a face to face conversation. AIM does very little to help good communication. After conversing for a while, and failing to listen very well,(figurativly) we were discussing different things simultaneously, without realizing it. It was not until I reread the conversation that I saw where it went wrong. My friend had said something that I missed. I went on, my friend went in a different direction. Thinking that we were still talking apples to apples, I continued to prod. Now, for my second mistake. I very much believed that I was right. I still do. However, in my anxiousness to prove/pursuade my rightness, I overstepped my bounds. I ceased operating out of love. To be perfectly honest, I don't know that I began speaking out of a loving attitude. I felt I was right, but I did not bother to love my friend enough to say what needed to be said in a loving manner. Yet, if I needed to see something I was blind to, I would want someone to tell me in a loving manner. "Luke, Love your neighbor as you love your self. You know better."

The Importance of Honesty

Growing up in my church, I was always taught to believe that we,as a church, were right. Our beliefs about God, about mankind, and about ourselves were all right. (As I write this, I realize that it is not just the Church who teaches this, but most everyone grows up believing and being taught that they are right concerning the biggest questions in life. Atheists raise atheists, Christians raise Christians, etc.) Never once did anyone advise me that something in our belief system could be wrong. Of course not. What they have come to believe are their answers to the most important questions humans answer. What kind of parent would tell their child to walk away from eternal life with God? However, in this line of thinking, there is a dilemma. I discussed it briefly in "Why us?" If everyone in the world believes what they are taught to believe, most of the world will spend eternity apart from God(assuming Christianity as I was taught is correct). Of course, it is possible that God presents each person with his or her own opportunity to become a Christian during their stay on earth, and the billions of people in other religions or non-religion merely shun God's extended hand. I struggle to believe that. Perhaps it is merely my human intellect trying to comprehend system of justice too complex for my reasoning. But in that case, is it my duty to shun that which i believe to be more likely in the name of "faith"? I struggle to find the correct place for the puzzle piece labeled "faith" in the jigsaw of life. C.S. Lewis said that he would never ask someone to believe in Christianity against his/her better judgement. So, if I am to make my best judgement, it is my responsibility to make an unbiased decision, even if it leaves me somewhere other than that of Christian belief. Thus, in this case, I am not being honest if i say I believe the salvation works the way my church teaches it. Ok. After the long detour around what I originally began to discuss, I will return to the importance of honesty. As I said, I do not believe that salvation works the way I was taught growing up. This of course raises the question, "well, how do you think it works?" My answer to the very valid question, is a resounding, I DONT KNOW. Is it possible that I am wrong? Yep, absolutely. Does that scare me to death? Absolutely. So, why don't I just accept what very smart men have said within Christianity? Because I cant. If I cannot search honestly and find God, how can I expect others to carry this burden? If people outside Christianity are to be expected to find God, then God must be reachable through ways other than assuming Christianity to be true. Namely, honesty and sincerity. It seems fairly obivous that those who truly believe they are right are not afraid of research and dialogue. They welcome it, and rightly so. If truth is the biggest goal, and that goal is achieved, but you end up somewhere you never dreamed you would, havent you still succeeded in being true to the very fabric of our reality? If God does not reside at that place of truth, I cannot believe in God. Of course, as in navigation, if you are untrue to the desired course by a fraction of a degree, you will wind up hopelessly lost. And so, we must be ruthlessly honest, and accept nothing but the most pure truth. Our very being hangs in the balance.

Sorry for the rambling...my head is cloudy.

The Importance of Sincerity

Today, I had a conversation with my mother. It involved my brother as well; and as usual, my mom and Joel (my brother), were in disagreement. The actual argument surrounded the issue of gambling, but that is of little importance to the reason I am now writing. As the discussion developed (or failed to do so), I noticed a few things. Absolutely everything said by either party was completely disregarded by the opposing side. This makes dialogue more or less a complete waste of the oxygen supply on the planet. It mattered not in the least what was said. Mom-"You dont understand, just listen..." Joel, completely oblivious to the merit of my mothers argument says, "No, see what you don't understand, is that..." Mom, without heeding anything said by Joel, says "Nope. You're wrong." Now, argument over. (I should mention that I did enter the "ring", but got shoved out.) Ok, let's review what has been accomplished: Mother dearest has entered the argument with "X" esatblished in her mind as correct. My dear brother has entered the bout with "Y" firmly planted as the correct concept. Both arguers make arguments completely irrelated to anything said by the other, without ever stopping to think that, my oh my, "I could be wrong!" (I know that this sounds condescending, but I am as guilty as either...even in the conversation I am using as an example!) I think perhaps the biggest error they (we) made, happened because none of us ever wanted to get to the truth about the matter. That never crossed anyone's mind. If there is truth to be known about the matter, it was never remotely involved in the actual conversation. The people involved did not want the truth, they wanted to be right. Unless one begins with a sincere hunger and thirst for truth, they will forever wander blindly clinging with a proud grip to a mere mirage--unworthy of the gloriousness of truth.

Why us?

So, here is the 40 dollar question for the night--I, Luke Helm, was born and raised in a Christian home. I was brought up to believe the basic Christian message. Now, lets say another person, an islamic person, was born and raised in an Islamic home, believing the basic Islamic doctrine. We both live our lives doing whatever it is we do with the time we have to spend hear on earth, and eventually we both die on. As fate would have it, both of us were born on the same day, and died on the same day. As we stand side by side, God looks us both over, quickly reviews our lives, and passes the verdict. "Mr. Helm, you lived a good Christian life, you gave your 10% of income to the church, you came to church whenever possible, and most importantly, you believed in Jesus as your Savior. You are welcome into my love." Turning to my Islamic counterpart, "You sir, on the other hand, failed to ever seek me out. Your faith is both philosophically and historically inaccurate, and you were never willing to truly and honestly seek out the truth in this world with an open mind and heart. You will spend eternity apart from all goodness." I am troubled by this decision, and I object, "but God, isnt that a little harsh? I mean all those things you said he never did...Well, come to think of it, I never really did them either." Thinking it over, God responded, "Hmm...well, you were a little off on that theology part, and historically, well, you were way off on that part; and you never came around to seeking out truth with an honest heart. But, of course, you were born into Christianity, and that taught you to say the right things---Good enough for me. Welcome."
For the 40 dollar question- Is that just?
I highly doubt that Traders Point Christian Church, even as well as it has taught me right from wrong, has the right answers to all the questions that mankind has raised throughout our tumultous tenure on this planet. This is, of course, a poor way to arrive at a conclusion discerning truth from falsehood. I must deal with the issues themselves, rather than generalities which base judgements on assertions. However, it is an interesting to think that those of us who have been raised in a Christian environment believe that we have the corner on all truth in the universe, yet we have never taken the time to actually look at what we believe and why we believe it.
Many people are born into cultures that claim to know absolute truth. Most of these cultures think all the other cultures are wrong. We think we we born into the culture knowing truth. Why us? Love Truth enough to find Him.

the first of many

Well, inspired by none other than the Jeff Timmer, my online thought bank is now open. Put your helmets on, and step into the treacherous waters known best as the Mind of Luke Helm.