On Trust and Vulnerability, Part One

My apologies go out to the month of September. A week ago, I knew what the entry would be about, but I never made the time to give last month its dues. Belated by four days, here it goes for September.
Last month almost ended me. "I don't know what life will be like in a month" has once again proven remarkably true. The past four weeks challenged me in ways I've never experienced; yet, somehow I am not surprised that I have been so thoroughly challenged. As always, the actual challenge caught me completely off guard. But if I am to stay consistent with the 'roads' I referred to last month, it should not shock me that I am forced to cross a few rivers or canyons.
The rivers and canyons will always come, and it seems fair to think that God must put us through trials to train us in the art of trust. Anyone who endeavors to trust a God who cannot be stared at , embraced, or speed-dialed must be put through the pain of vulnerability. Trust and vulnerability. Honestly, I hate those words right now. I wake up every morning feeling naked (I'm not, for the record) and alone (I'm not, for the record). Countless times through each day, I want to throw up my hands in disgust and plan my own life. And that is exactly why I have to be here right now. Despite the empty churn I feel in my stomach when I say this, I know I am supposed to be here at this point of vulnerability and unrest. If I never came to this point of unrest, I could never go on to the point of rest that lies on the far side of trust.
Uggh.

Well, I said I knew what I wanted to say for September, but this wasnt it. I think I'll be back at this soon, so stay tuned. Or dont. Its your call.